So, im laying in bed at 3:53 in the am and wondering what life has in store in the next few months ahead for me. I just canceled a "date" for tomorrow, guy wasnt a loser but at the same time was intimidated by the fact that i have a Service Dog. Can i function without a Service Dog? No, they are what has kept me alive this long and maybe a crutch of some sort but i cant help it, When i go out without Jasper im a wreck.

I dont know if ill end up in Cali, Virginia or stay here in Columbus at this point. I just know that when it comes down to it i dont feel i belong anywhere right now and i wish i had somewhere i could call home and feel like its home.

I look around my room and see my plants, my belongings and my dogs. Im at a crossroads where i need to decide what stays and what goes. I have boxes, many boxes, too many in fact. I probably have a dozen boxes and my belongings will probably fit in 5 or 6 of them. Of course maybe less as i plan on getting rid of a lot of stuff. Its just things after all and it can be replaced.

One thing that cant be replaced is Bones. I had considered letting him stay here with my roommates so that i could finish Jaspers training and just make it easier on Bones all the way around but i wonder if separating him from me will just cause a depression that could kill him. I remember a few years back when i took a short trip and left him home and i was told that the entire 3 days he stayed in the bathroom and refused to come out. He didnt eat, go outside or anything, and they couldnt get him to move off my shirt i had left on the floor before i left. The more i think about it the more i realize that hes going to have to stay with me. He is 12, and may not be around much longer and i want this time with him and its not fair to force him to change his life after depending on me for so long.

im scared right now, desperately scared. I have no idea where my life is going, what i want to do or any of that. I thought that once i was approved for Social Security disability that life would be good, instead its just confusing as hell. I dont know how to function on my own, the new found freedom of having my own money and car is nice though as is having the dogs. I think most of my joy these days comes from time i spend with them.