My fears when i became a Satanist

    I was on the left hand path already so that never factored in: these were my concerns.

That because everyone I was seeing pictures of online were skinny, something that im not but am working on and I have improved my health immensely in the past 5 years. I even run 5ks now when before even walking around the block would tire me out. Ive just heard too many people say that more Wiccans or Withes are heavy and its the other way around with Satanists, particularly with females.

My PTSD was the next hurdle, I felt that it made me mentally weak and that I wouldnt be able to find a place within the Satanic community where i would belong because of my anxiety/panic attacks and the fact that i dont like to go out all that much. Im more of a homebody, im more comfortable that way or was up until 4 years ago when I trained my first Service Dog. That dog retired and is too old to work now so I have Jasper and he is doing well on most of his training...biggest issue has been training him on the escalator, he tried to walk backwards up it and freaked out on me...but thats okay I rarely use those so its not an issue. (how bad is it that i wish someone had been there recording his actions and expressions lol) I felt sorry for him but at the same time i couldnt stop laughing.

My mental capacity isnt like many others. I have lupus, fibromyalgia and PTSD and all those tend to mess with my memory or even the ability to comprehend a conversation at times, not to mention the mind altering medications that I have to be on if i want to function on a day to day basis. I do still have that issue but am learning tricks around it since starting college and my memory is getting better, its not perfect but its better. I am still in my first year of college but I am doing it! I didnt back out, I havent slowed down and Im holding a GPA of 3.7.

Then came the you have to give your soul to the devil by having sex with me type of person. Okay, now that was very early on and I quickly discovered its not all like that that there are different types and I found where I belonged when I started reading Anton Laveys books.I have came a long way since then and for me its all about personal empowerment. Being the best me I can be, and if able helping others as well but I always but me, my safety and welfare and needs first. I am my own God, No one rules me!

And dont get me started on liking dark things. I do like a lot of dark things, horror movies  and all of that but I have Hello Kitty stickers everywhere, even my pillows and I cant leave out my love for My Little Ponys, Oh and my car is done in Hello Kitty car seat cover.

UPDATE:

As you can probably tell I did go in and edit some things, so this is kind of jumpy but I can be like that sometimes.