I have some decisions to make. In particular if im going to move to California in November. I do that people here for me and I would miss them but I can come for visits and remain in their lives.
I just feel like my place is by the beach, water, sand and not to mention a new environment to write in. Ive been stifled by my current surroundings. Theres nothing new or exciting to write about here anymore. I could take day trips to places around me for inspiration but im starting to consider giving witing a screen play a try, If that doesnt work i still have my writing to fall back on.
I just want a good life, one where i can travel, see this and other countries, have my Service Dog always at my side and someone in my life that can love us both...and understand that no human can do for me the things that my dog is trained to do. And his training isnt even done yet...
I dont know that living in a poly environment will be okay for me or now. As of this far I have failed the poly situation and am wanting to leave the lifestyle completely. But I have other reasons to move to California. Ive been told that I can start a SIN chapter out there where i move to and there are more satanists out in Cali than there are here. Thing is between now and November I would have to find someone to take over my Columbus chapter.
The next few months are going to be a struggle. I need to get my surgery and teeth done, Jasper needs his shots and I have got to start training everyday for 5ks now that they are coming up on me fast. My goal is that between now and October is to lose 50 pounds and if i run or walk every day plus exist mainly on my protein shakes I can do it. Also eating vegetables, fruits and occasionally chicken or tuna. Of course I will still keep drinking my coffee with the creamer in it because without that I think i would want to kill people.
When it comes down to it I want my freedom yet I want someone there that loves me as well, its a tricky combination but I will not quit school, writing or dog training for anything, those are my loves. These things will always come first in my life as will my SIN Chapter because I feel as if I am contributing to something much bigger than me by giving those who are satanists but have no one to talk to, hang out with or even confide in. I have been told by one of my current chapter members that those are the things they like the most about having this chapter in Columbus. Maybe that is my contribution to this life.
My sleep pattern has been very off lately and i need to fix it but today I am going running and I need to also go to Curves a few times a week as well, maybe even every day. Use it to warm my body up before running. I just hate that I cant take my Service Dog there with me but, he will get to run with me, thats a given. I will never run without him, Too many triggers for me to be around in public. I found a local running group but damn it if you dont have to pay the fee for the course by June 2nd and I get paid on June 3rd...right now as it is I will be lucky to be able to get my meds and vape juice the rest of this month. I really need to find a freelancer writing job. I will get on Up Work when I get done with this and take a few more of their tests and look for work. If i could even just make an extra $500 a month writing part time I would be happy. It would mean juggling one more thing in my life and as of late i havent been able to do much but hopefully once I start working out again my energy level will come back up and I will be able to be more productive.
Damn, Just writing this post has made me feel good. I have soo much inside of me that I need to get out. I havent openly expressed myself in quite a while and I forgot how wonderful it feels.
No comments:
Post a Comment