Im back home today and things are in total disarray, my stuff anyway and i dont know if i should unpack things or not right now. I guess that will get figured out in time. It feels good to be back here though even if it was scary as hell coming back.
My weekend was wonderful, i love julies house and family and i feel loved there for who i am. I should feel that way here and im getting there again. I did get an apology from kytten last night and that felt nice but i know i need to do the same in return to everyone and it will come when i find the words. It may have to be in written form at first then go from there as im not good with words.
I did make a HUGE decision today with my counselor and thats to try and not use my anxiety meds(xanax) and see if between Jasper, Bones, deep breathing and meditation i can learn to manage it without meds. Im going to try. Im afraid to try meditation again as it seems to cause flashbacks but maybe i need to let those happen and let my mind tell me the whole store of what happened.
Man did getting another 5k accomplished feel good, it was hard having Matt there but im glad in the end he was even if it made me cry to see him standing at the finish line waiting on me.
Jasper is becoming such a perfect Service dog, He worked hard at the 5k and even got to where he was ignoring the other dogs. Ive worked soo hard on him with that and im finally seeing progress. and the whole weekend at julies neither of the dogs had any accidents and both were right there for every melt down i had as was julie and shaliah. Blood does not make family, love does and i know julie and shaliah are part of that family. I hope i can repair things with Matt and Becca especially...and yes even kytten. While its nice to be talking with my blood family again i dont feel the closeness that i do with those that i live with or close to.
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