For some this may need a trigger warning on for. Especially those who are cutters, have PTSD or have ever dont any type of self harm.
Yes For years i have been a cutter. Now please keep in mind i do not do it anymore however because ive done it it makes me more prone to doing it again. Its a daily battle i deal with every day. Making myself be stronger that i was back then. i do have days where i dont feel as strong. But ive learned that its also part of being human and i just didnt know how to accept it...
Never living up to my parents standards, abuse both sexual and verbal, and always feeling that no matter who i was around i was not good enough for them.
I am stronger than that now.
These scars may look bad and yes i get embarrassed by them but im posting these for a reason. And that reason is that i never want to go back to feeling that way again. im ready, ready to leave the past in the past and only look forward. The sad thing is that ive seen much much worse on others than what i have and i feel their pain, when you reach this point you only thing about one thing, or at least i did, the rush of the pain. Yes im also a masochist but there is a big difference between cutting or burning like i did to myself versus controlled pain in which someone else is there and you cant go too far.
Will i still partake in my masochistic? Youre damn right i will!!! I can feed that monster and be safe at the same time.
there are many facets to me...and all intersect somewhere along their paths But today, its about healing. Not letting anyone control me ever again to a point where i lose control. i used to blame others on what ive done to myself but i do realize that while others may have contributed to those feelings making me feel that way...i was ultimately the one at fault...not for the abuse as i know i was not at fault for that but i was in charge of its affects on me and i should have controlled it better.
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