life in general

Life has just been weird lately, lots of ups and downs that are leaving me with the feeling of being closed in and trapped and i dont know how to fight my way out of it yet.

Weird dreams that arent exactly nightmares but leave me with the same feelings that i would wake up with if it were nightmares.

i know my problem...i feel stuck in life, as if i cant move forward no matter what i do at this point, it feels like everything is against me and its wearing me down.

There is a glimmer of hope in all of this however and i have to keep reminding myself of that and he knows who he is... we have quite a lot in common and its the only area of my life right now that im hopeful in.  And doing things again like playing Magic the Gathering and Wow and Pathfinder may be what i need to keep my spirits up, they are activities that we can enjoy together so its a win win situation.

i really want to get back into my writing and find a way to make it pay...i need to do some research on that i know at one time this blog was set up to earn money but i dont know if it is still that way or not. Either way i was given a good idea...once i find a site that does pay im going to start another blog that focuses on Poodles as service dogs. Not just for poodles but also the doodles as well. I find that in my search for other poodles as service dogs i pretty much come up empty handed and i want to fix that.

i took a walk with Bones a little earlier to clear my head and while i still feel boxed in it did help some, the sun felt good on my face and i discovered that there were a few wispy clouds in the sky, of which i didnt notice earlier in the day. i kind of have a phobia of a sky with no clouds, it always makes me thing of 9/11 and everything that happened that day, from the moment i woke up and seen the news  to getting my son from school to driving to work that day and noticing a completely clear sky no clouds, planes and on the radio nothing except for all of the horrifying  news of the days events. Mixed with that was losing a friend but it didnt sink in that day, it took a while for me to realize what had all happened as that day i needed to be focused on the safety fair that i was in charge of at work, the red cross, wright patterson airforce base and the local fire department all pulled out. Of course i understood why but i still had to make arrangements on set up changes and all of that. On top of it was knowing that i had brothers still in the military and i didnt know where they were or what was going on with them. Soo needless to say i was very on edge that day.