Soo..this is it.

Originally written on 12/27/12


Its been a year today since i moved out of the exs house and its been a very up and down year. Mostly downs but those happen when you get as devastated as i did over it all.  Will i ever get over him??? i think so, but part of me will always cherish some fond memories that we had together. Now i guess i need to focus on the here and now and start looking towards the future. Thats now always easy for me to do but i have no other choice. What makes it so hard is my lifestyle, it makes things complex im many ways. i dont function like most do, im not hardwired to be that strong female that stands up for herself. im that subservient girl who has to have structure, guidance and rules to survive in this cold world.

So, day by day i will move through this and i was chatting with someone tonight that made me want to give myself a daily plan and i really think im going to do it. So everyday now i want to work on my book for so long and same with my crocheting. i have to start setting goals for myself, ones that i can obtain like i used to be able to. Set the bar high enough to make it challenging but not so high that i can accomplish it in a set time frame.

i need to start pulling my ass out of bed at a decent hour and going to bed at a decent hour and actually being productive again...im doing no one any good by sleeping all day, of course the nightmares make it to where i dont sleep well so im always tired but even still i have to find a way to manage it.

im going to get off of here now and i think im going to jump into the shower then sit down and make a daily schedule for myself and see if i can stick to it.