i just want to crawl under a rock and die. Today is my daughters birthday and i miss her so much, i wish i could call her but i wont. The only reason i wont is because she is with my mother, a woman in which i despise. Once my kids are older i hope to have them back in my life but i know i have a while to wait. Next year on this date i hope to be camping somewhere, or at least traveling.
i deal with these emotions all too often and its getting to where i cant handle the hurt and pain anymore, but i dont know what to do about it. Theres only one thing i can do to stop the pain and i cant do that as i still have Bones to care for. If he wasnt in the picture things would be different, id already be gone and i wish i was.
i know, i know dont talk like that well i tell you what walk a mile in my fucking shoes and you would probably feel the same way i do right now. Some would tell me, dont do that youll end up in hell, well i dont believe in hell so it makes no difference to me, ill get reincarnated, maybe as a fucking tree but ill be reincarnated none the less.
im headed to bed, its the only solution for the rest of the day, i have a list of shit to do tomorrow and my meds are finally kicking in...
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